Let’s Talk About Mental Health - logo Let’s Talk About Mental Health - handheld logo Eye

So here I am, just sitting in my room, drinking coffee, feeling perfectly fine & writhing this. My name’s Emma, I’m on my second year of studying graphic design, I paint a lot in my free time, and I’m insanely in love with poetry and writing. Seem’s cool, right? I don’t have like a lot of friends, but I’m really friendly, like to meet new people, (I’m kind of having troubles right now with this ‘cause I’m not sure even what I wanted to write at first & my thoughts are kind of messy & my English’s not very well), I’m also like some animator (is that a word?) in every group of people I find myself in. That all seems awesome, doesn’t it? You see, the problem is, lately I found myself literally loosing senses of place, time, people.. when I’m hyped. It’s like this stage of unawareness of anything but the beat, the laughter, just all that vibes, and I would think to myself “Ih ma gosh, my body’s so strong, jet so water like, I’m moving so easily, my mind is pure, I’m a freaking god”. (Important note: I don’t use drugs 😅) And that’s all cool and everything, I do enjoy it, who wouldn’t. But it’s not always like that. Nothing really doesn’t have to happen, I just find myself in one moment feeling lonely, left out, sad, scared, anxious, even paranoid. One day I walked into the fashion store with a friend and suddenly everything faded, it was gross, I was looking at that fancy people everywhere, buying stuff they don’t really need (like, they buy it ‘cause it’s pretty, that’s all, and I’m not saying it isn’t pretty, but it’s just material stuff, it shouldn’t be such a big deal, right?) and all I could think about in that moment was “my dad had to borrow money to pay the bills for this month”. So I ran out of the store, texted my friend that I’ll be outside the enterence. I wanted to cry. Then I heard someone singing. There was a girl, with a paper box in front of her, singing some pretty old songs. I was lonely and bored waiting for my friend, so I just kind of asked that girl if a could join her. And we singed. She was kind. (We didn’t earned much tho.) And then again, in a bus, so full of people that you can’t move, you literally can’t, I started to cry, I couldn’t breathe right, everything was so gross and scary, people were strange. (The Doors - People are strange.mp3) Then I had to get in another bus in order to get home, I did, and it was even more peoply, so I found my way out again, touching all those random people I really didn’t want to be even close to, and especially not freaking touch them. I found air. At bus station. I started to breathe again somehow. And I cried. So helpless and powerless. I can’t even remember clearly how my dad came and drove me home. That’s one case. Not counting “cases”, I am so well that it’s not well how well am I 😅. That’s all I wanted to say I guess. So, should I be kind of worried? Anyone with similar story or something? 😅🙊💘