I'm writing this in the middle of one of those days where nothing makes sense anymore. Over the years I've blamed myself for this. For having these episodes that make my life harder than it actually is, for not being able to function normally, for having to put twice as much energy as my friends to even get out of the bed in the morning and keeping myself from falling apart all throughout the day. Half of my life has been like this, I've tried everything from private to group therapy, EMDR sessions and family systemic constellations and at the moment I'm so informed about the psychological implications, processes, coping mechanism of my anxiety and depression that I'm often finding myself analyzing my moods rather that experiencing them. Understanding the pain so I can have a fully informed approach in changing my perspective when I'm down. We should never underestimate the power of understanding our pain. It carries precious information and with it, a recipe for the cure. It's difficult to live like this, but at the same time, I know that I have to fully accept who I am. All parts of me, both wounded and healthy ones. One huge step into accepting this was going public about my depression. To my friends, family, colleagues. This made things so much easier for me, as it served both as a public awareness of the importance of mental health and destigmatization of mental illnesses among those who knew me. Many people believe that having depression cripples you to the point where you become useless. I'm currently working two jobs as a strategist and graphic designer, I manage a creative community, teach yoga classes and just finished my PhD. I did all of this and still doing it while having horrible breakdowns that prevent me from functioning well, but I'm still here, managing it. There's no reason to be ashamed of your depression as is there's not reason to be ashamed of your body or life choices. It's unfair to yourself. This is a part of yourself that makes you, YOU and without it maybe you wouldn't be this beautiful human being right now. And I'm quoting Elisabeth Kübler-Ross here: “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern."