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They say you’re too young at 17 to know what you’re going through or have any experience of the world they’ll say that you need to live longer, love harder to really experience the world. They’ll say you don’t know what you’re talking about but believe you do and walk through this like a boss. I was never really open about all my issues and then that’s where it started to get to me. The thoughts of not living another night became honey sweetening my brain i didn’t want a life like this where it all eats on you, your soul, your mind. She had gone through a lot the toxic was a blind spot I wanted to help as we talk through months and months go by she slowly got better I lost myself. ‘It’ll be okay’ never knew it could be so one sided. I never knew she never cared about me just herself and her own desires, just to feed the ego that always hid with the reality back home. We would talk about her what she been through how she got through only for it to get better. How she got raped, how she’ll never find a man to marry how I’d Ofer up everything for her just to not be accepted. She said she did listen to me as much as I listened to her when I stayed all those nights when she finally slept it all crawled in me I couldn’t take it she was the only reason I lived the love in the heart was the purely the only reason just to realise she never really listened she never really cared she fed off me left me here on the ropes that hang slowly tying around my neck. Pain does exist in men it only gets worse when they just don’t talk. After the first attempt I gave up I couldn’t do it to myself I lived on as the sun set and the thoughts loomed. I lived with regret to never get so attached. Maybe one day I won’t be here to feel the pain. Or one day my soul comes back to me with the pieces it left with.