i started feeling hopeless in 8th grade. my dad died when i was 9, and my birth mom died when i was 3 years old. they were both addicts. but before my dad died he put me in a foster home with this woman. i was very lucky with where my life went, because i only had to go to one foster home and that was the one for me. i got abused and hurt for a very long time. everyone i was around was doing drugs or was always drunk, and we never had a steady place to live. i never got a good education until i moved in with my foster mom. i’m 17 years old now, i just found out i don’t have to go to court anymore to testify against a man who raped my bestfriend from freshman year and that was good news. i’ve been going to church, i forgave someone who has hurt me countless time and constantly belittles me and my problems and makes me feel like complete shit about myself. i’m happy with my life at the moment. i’m trying so hard to find something to make me happy, and do things to keep me motivated but i still feel sad constantly, and i’ve been feeling this way for years. i talked to my mom about it (the foster mom who adopted me) and she keeps saying it’s just a phase and it’s the “cool” thing to be depressed. as i said i’m very thankful for her and the opportunities she has given me, but when it comes to mental health she doesn’t seem to care. i had a mental breakdown in front of her by accident about a month ago and she was saying she was going to take me to the hospital but i didn’t want that. she’s been promising a therapist for months but doesn’t get me one. i had an anxiety therapist for a little bit and even she said i had depression and after me and my mom walked out the only thing she said to me was “did you do your homework?” i feel like i have nobody to talk to. and all i want to do is figure out what is making me feel so sad, helpless, and lonely. i need someone to talk to. i want to do something about this before it gets to a point where it can’t be fixed. i’ve talked to my school counselor and she talked to my mom because she was worried about me. all my mom does is say that i sit around and complain about it but i don’t do shit to fix it. which is completely false. i’m trying my hardest for her and myself. more her then myself quite honestly. i just feel so lost and tired and lonely and i want some help and someone to talk to. i’m tired of being tired. the kind of tired sleep can’t help.