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I always feel like I’m circling in the same depressive way. I have this persona that I always want to be great but when I do not achieve the goals I have for myself, I am harder on myself than anyone can imagine. Recently I am thinking about how nice it would be if I were to go to sleep and not wake up... it’s nothing new, I always think about it but never go through with it. Last year my depression was just that, depression. It was at its worse and I didn’t think I’d make it to 2019, in May, I was diagnosed with anxiety and it became an added problem for myself. This year, anxiety has been kicking my ass. I can’t breathe or speak properly without always feeling a wave of fear and caring about how others will see me. Right now, I feel like it’s killing me but I’m trying. I am always trying. I do not want to crack. I do not want to give in.