I have been depressed for as long as I can remember. It affects every single aspect of my life. I got diagnosed with having bipolar 2 disorder about a year ago, and although I knew I had it before the formal diagnosis, it still hurts knowing that I have a life-long companion in my mind. I want to get better, but something always pulls me back into depression. It’s comfortable for me, and although I know this isn’t right, it feels so wrong to feel myself getting better. I barely even know who I am when I’m not depressed. Lithium is the worst drug ever, even though it’s the only thing that’s ever helped me. The side effects are terrible. I force myself to take them almost every day, but every time I do it just makes me sad and reminds me how much I depend on medication to function like a normal human. I’m just so over it, no matter what I do I don’t feel like myself unless I’m feeling very, very low.