Chaotic it was. Being here and there, bouncing my mind around. Pushing my brain to work at it’s peak. Well, it’s good keeping me, my mind, and it’s shadow busy. Chaos, but somehow feels alive. We’re all good in chaos. Even i wonder, how could it flows so smoothly. But then, wondering is sometimes a bad idea. You start wondering, and it’s start to become so real. You fear of something that haven’t happened yet, something that might or might never happened. They said. Bad news for me! For when i start wondering, things will most likely to be happened. I’m afraid of what if, plenty of what if. What if something’s goes wrong, what if i gone berserk and ruined everything, what if , what if, and more what if. I should’ve take it as a warning, since my mind and all of it’s associate never fails me. Brace yourself! The hard wind is coming, everything will starts coming apart and darkness may fall upon you soon. And in the end, we’re all alone. It's not that i'm giving up now, i refuse to be dead but i'm barely living. And deep down, i'm longing for the time to come. That time when everything suddenly snap into nothing, and i have nothing to worry about. Cause for me, it's not about getting over this issues. It's how we get used to 'it' and learn how to live with 'it' until we become the darkness it self. BUT SERIOUSLY THO, WHY IT HAS TO BE THIS HARD? AND HOW COULD THIS SILENCE BE SO LOUD? REALLY? NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED TO FIGHT IT, IT ALWAYS FOUND A WAY BACK TO ME. CAN WE JUST BE DONE ALREADY?