In additional to all of this, I was diagnosed with Lupus at the age of twelve. So then I became the fat black girl with an invisible chronic disease. Everything went downhill from there.
I was diagnosed with depression, as well as social anxiety disorder. I began self-harming during my freshman year of high school, and had strong thoughts of suicide for almost three years. I stopped trying in school because I knew that at any point I could snap and kill myself, so what was the point?
Now at twenty years old, I am still struggling with the same things I have since age twelve, but for the first time, I am getting help. I found the courage to tell my parents what has been going on, and am making an effort to live a truly healthy lifestyle. I still feel horrible about myself all the time, but I know the true struggle hasn't even begun.
It's easy to hate yourself, I think. It's easy to point out flaws and to see what's ugly about yourself, and find a million different reasons as to why you're not good enough. The hard part is loving yourself. I know with absolute certainty that this journey will be the hardest thing I've ever done, but for the first time in my life, I'm ready.